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Uncovered (2020)

I was undressing in the bathroom with my mother, getting ready to shower, when my attention was captured by my aunt’s self-portrait on the wall. She was pictured nude, pregnant, in black and white. I don't remember the exact words my mom uttered, but I recall feeling confused, knowing I was made to be embarrassed for my reverence. The beauty and strength in that portrait could not be denied, or so I thought. Not long after this, when we were back home, I drew a painting I saw hanging up in my aunt's house. The image depicted a circle of nude fairies in nature, dancing around a young human girl. I later caught my older sister and mother laughing at my rendering- laughing at me for having drawn naked bodies. 

 

The social conditioning sunk in when I hit the age of puberty. I was told I needed to start wearing shirts to bed and to shave my legs before my first day of middle school. I was poked and prodded at family gatherings to see if I had grown underarm hair yet or started to wear bras. I have felt unsafe in my body since, constantly aware of the space it takes up and how susceptible it is to violent gazes and caresses, even when covered up. Alone in my room, behind a locked door and closed curtains, I am not without the presence of predatory glares or voices of criticism for my physique.

 

I now have three little sisters at the ages I was in those memories. I’ve commented about the open windows when they walk from the shower to their bedrooms or hunt for clean clothes in idle laundry baskets around the house. I projected my shame and nearly doomed them to my own fate.

Uncovered is a series of nude self-portraits I have made around my family’s home as a way to overcome the discomfort of nudity and reclaim my innocence, the wisdom of youth. One of my little sisters has assisted me with my photographs, and my relationship with her and my body has grown stronger because of it. She lent me her strength until I no longer needed it. Now, the pride I see in her eyes reflects my own.

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